Where Did the Week Go?

Time is really flying by. Sawyer is ten weeks old today! The pedi that we saw Saturday said that the days go by slowly and the years fly by. I am starting to believe that. We went back to the pedi yesterday because Sawyer had some diarrhea Tuesday afternoon and evening. They told me to get some acidophilus granules and put them in a bottle that Lorne feeds him. I charted his diaper activity for the past day and called this morning. They said that I could stop giving him the granules but to call them if the diarrhea returns. They couldn't tell me for sure what caused it, but they think it may be a result of his cold.

I also asked them to calculate his percentiles according to him being six weeks old instead of two months at his two month visit. I had the date wrong and actually brought him to his appointment a week early. He was only six weeks old at the time. That moved him from the tenth percentile to the twenty-fifth percentile for weight and from the twenty-fifth to fiftieth for height. That makes me feel a little bit better I guess.

I went to Weight Watchers yesterday too but didn't get to stay for the meeting because the pedi's office called while I was there and said they could get us right in. I was only a few minutes away so we went straight to the pedi. I lost six pounds by the way! I am very excited. Loyette (the Pediatric Nurse Practitioner) asked me if I have changed my diet so I told her about WW. I told her that I'm eating exactly the same foods but just fewer of them. She asked me if I'm eating lots of fiber, fruit, or sugar free foods because that could affect him but I'm not eating any of that. I told her that I'm eating around 2,000 calories per day so she seemed okay with that. I'm trying to get to Curves three times per week, but I'm drinking plenty of water so that shouldn't be a factor either. Losing weight releases ketones and exercising releases lactic acid and those can all be present in the milk if I'm not careful.

We left the pedi's office and went for the pre and post. He got 104 cc this time, down from the 118 cc on Friday but Candy said that wasn't a big enough amount to be alarmed. I stopped taking the Reglan as of Monday but I'm still taking the herbs. He weighs 10 lbs 11 ozs so he's gained five ounces in the past five days so he's right on track. I'm starting to get frustrated, though, because I'm getting e-mails from moms from my Lamaze class and their babies weighed eleven pounds plus at two months. One baby who was born a day after Sawyer already weighs thirteen pounds!! I know, I know, he started out small and has some catching up to do, but I want him to get bigger!! I think that's why I've really been questioning the whole breastfeeding thing. Lorne and I had a long talk about it last night and I still don't know for sure what to do. I think that I want to quit until I think about actually doing it and I cringe at the thought and I don't know why. I think it's because it seems like all my friends have either breastfed or are breastfeeding. I'm afraid of what people will think of me. I also think that it would be silly to quit now after we've come so far and been through so much to get to this point. I just wish we wouldn't have had to go through all this and I could have just breastfed "normally" from the beginning. I just have no self confidence when it comes to this. I'm planning on taking him back to A Mother's Gift next Wednesday for another weight check. I think that I will stick with it until then and hope for the best. The hardest thing for me is that I don't know how much he is getting, but if I gave him formula I would know for sure how much he is getting at each feeding. A stupid reason to quit? Maybe, but that's just how I'm feeling. I have so much anxiety surrounding breastfeeding that I start to wonder if it truly is what's best for Sawyer since he can pick up on my moods. I just want to be able to enjoy being a mommy and not be stressed all the time, but I LOVE the bonding opportunity that breastfeeding allows. I'm really a wreck over this let me tell ya!

I'll try to get some pictures posted this weekend. I can't believe tomorrow is already Friday! Have a good weekend everyone!