Four Years Ago

I became a mom four years ago today, and my life changed completely, never to return to the "normal" to which I was so accustomed. I had absolutely no idea what being a mother would entail. I can't even tell you what I used to do with my time. I used to think that I was busy, but being a mom changes the definition of busy in so many ways. These two little kids didn't ask to be here, so it is up to me to ensure that they are well taken care of and live in an environment in which they can thrive and become the best possible version of themselves.

Lorne and I had been together for so long, just he and I, living completely for one another, that it is still such an adjustment to not always feeling like his number one anymore. I may not always get the first kiss when he walks through the door, but seeing his face light up when he sees his children touches me in a way that I never thought possible. By the same token, I remember watching him holding those blue and pink swaddles in his arms, knowing with certainty that he was meant to be their father, and that he and I were in this together, forever.

I still have days when I think that I'm way too selfish to be a mom. Then I realize that a selfish person isn't as hard on themselves as I am. Selfish people don't anguish over making sure that they are the best possible mom to their children. I used to wonder why God blessed me with children when I feel so unworthy of them. I now know that He sent them to me to teach me humility, patience, flexibility, and how to give and receive their beautiful and tender love and affection.

I started brainstorming on the changes all parents experience, so I've developed a table in true Kelly fashion! :)

Four Years Ago	Today
Kelly	Momma
Patricia Cornwell	Dr. Seuss
People	High Five
Date night	Play dates
XM Radio	Raffi CD
Free time	Time-outs
All My Children	Caillou
Dine-in	Take-out
Poker	Go Fish
Laundry day	Daily laundry
Alarm clock	Sawyer
European vacation	Staycation
Graduate school	Preschool
Lorne & Kelly	Smith Family