He's A Growing Boy!

Sawyer had his two month appointment this morning. He is 22 1/2 inches long and we think he weighs 9 lbs 8 ounces. The reason I say that is because they weighed him with his diaper and he was 9.6 and then they said he was 9.8 without it so I think one of those weights was wrong obviously.

He got five shots in four syringes today. That was horrible to watch and hear. He cried like I have never heard him cry before. There was a nurse at each hip with two syringes and they had me stand in the middle. They let me pick him up once they were finished and he almost immediately quieted down so that was good. I cried as much as he did I think. I'm so glad that Lorne was there to hug me while I was holding Sawyer. We gave him some Tylenol before the shots and then I gave him some more this evening. He slept from 1:15 until about 5:00 this afternoon. That was good because I was able to get some sleep too.

Last night was a rough one. I am so exhausted from pumping after each feeding and getting up twice in the night to pump and then twice with him. He's gotten three ounces of formula at his midnight feeding the past three nights but he's not sleeping any longer with the formula like I've read. Last night I had gone back to bed after pumping at about 2:35 and then he was up again at 3:15 after getting a formula bottle at 1:00. I told Lorne that I couldn't do this much longer because I need more sleep than that. Lorne was such a HUGE help! He sat up with him and gave him some breastmilk in a bottle. He's such a good Daddy.

We met with Loyette today because we couldn't see Dr. Darrow due to a scheduling mistake on their part. They said we could return next week to see her but that we probably shouldn't wait since he was scheduled to get his first round of shots. She's the Pediatric Nurse Practitioner/Lactation Consultant that we worked with before. She said that if the herbs and Regaln aren't working by now they won't work at all. I got a prescription for Regaln from my doctor on Saturday. I called her emergency number and asked her to call it in to our 24-hour Walgreens. She couldn't do it Friday because the power was out in their office and she was in surgery. It was such a mess. Anyway, she told me that I don't need to pump so much because there's nothing coming out. She also gave me this syringe with tubing and a nipple shield to try and get him to nurse better on the left side. I took it but I'm not going to use it. I can only do so much I think. I'm still taking the herbs every eight hours too. I rented a hospital-grade pump on Friday and I've been using it for ten minutes after each feeding.

I called Candy when I got home and when she called me back we talked for almost forty-five minutes. I don't know what I would do without her. She has been such a huge help. We're going to go back to see her Friday for another pre and post. That's when they weigh him, I nurse on one side, they weigh him, and I nurse him on the other. He only got 70 cc when we did it Friday which is about 2 1/4 ounces. He needs three ounces at each feeding according to his weight so that's why he's getting one ounce in the bottle again after each feeding. At least he's continuing to gain. I don't know what I'd do, well yeah, I actually know what I'd do. I'd go straight to formula because I'm not going to mess around with breastfeeding if he starts losing again. So we're going to return Friday and if the pre and post isn't any better I think I'm going to give up on breastfeeding. That's the first time that I've actually "put that out there," but I am so tired and don't think that I can keep this up for much longer at this rate. It's just not worth it, or is it? I keep thinking of the reasons to keep it up and the reasons to quit in my head.

Reasons to keep it up:
Great nutrition and antibodies
Wonderful bonding experience
Convenience
Cost efficient
Formula=stinky diapers, possibly more gas, constipation
Lorne gets to sleep through the night (he obviously contributed that one!)


Reasons to quit:
Stressful for me, my stress probably affects Sawyer and I know it's tough for Lorne
Can get back to Weight Watchers
Can eat what I want again (at least within WW parameters)
Can get back to Curves
Can sleep longer at night (or so they say)
Can have others feed him
Formula is expensive (not that we can't afford it; it's the principle of the thing)
No more pumping!

Even when I see the list all I keep thinking is that I'm letting him down by quitting. That's the last thing that I want to do. I KNOW that's not the case, but it's just how I feel!

I promise to work on pictures and thank you notes this weekend, not necessarily in that order. I just have such a packed schedule right now with all the pumping and supplement feeding.

Thanks to everyone for your calls and e-mails. It means a lot that so many of you care so much. Thanks especially to Mom, Velma, Lorie, Aunt Net, and Aunt Tisha. I love you all very much! You are an awesome support system for me!

Hugs and Kisses to you all!

~Kelly~